I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
