I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
