So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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