She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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