You're my little dorito
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
