A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
