She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
