how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
