they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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