I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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