Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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