I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
