i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
