I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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