I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
