All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
