sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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