had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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