I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
