Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Farmville is her only friend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
