Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
