We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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