I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize