Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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