i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My penis needs a shock collar
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
