Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
