ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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