I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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