There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
