We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
