What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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