My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
