How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
