Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
