I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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