Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize