the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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