he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
