Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
