is your mom at the bar?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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