Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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