I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize