yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
