you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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