dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
