"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
sarcasm needs its own font
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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