I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
