This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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