Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How does one acquire holy water?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
