I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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