Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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