O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
