No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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