I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
