I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
