WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
And then he peed in my hair
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