..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
