Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
