I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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