I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
