Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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