Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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