OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize