Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
