i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize