i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
