Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
