Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
