No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
