heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
