Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
